Wow... Many, many, many thanks for all the kind words from all of you on my last post. You are all amazing, that's really exactly what I needed. It's just been a really rough semester, and especially in the last few weeks, I've felt particularly out of it, but I'm feeling a bit better now. I just need to take some time away from things more often. Anyways, room for improvement. But again, to all of you - thanks - that's really what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. Thanks. ^_^

Anyways - on a *lighter* note - I was over at Kim's place yesterday eating dinner, when all of a sudden there's a loud CRASH that sounds like its from the side of the apartment. I thought it sounded like it came from one of her closets, so I went and checked one, and all seemed fine. At about this time, Kim had opened her other closet with an, "Oh my god...." Yeah, it turns out that she had SO many clothes crammed in hanging from the pole in her closet that the weight actually broke off the brace on the wall and bent the metal brace in the center OFF the wall and the shelf above it, turning her closet into a GIANT pile of clothing with a pole on top... And you know what's the WORST part? This is BEFORE she hung up the two piles of new clothes that she bought over spring break. =P Yeah, positive, undeniable, physical proof that you have WAY too much clothing.

Anyways, I thought it was funny. ^_^

Now then, I have to get ready for my tests this week, and try and find my muse again. Again, to all my friends, thank you so much - you all are the people that really keep me going.



I'm sick of all this SHIT. I've gotten myself into a thousand different projects, I can't possibly get them all done, and every five seconds some other stress comes up. I've run out of places to turn and releases for my stresses and inspirations. My muse has disintegrated into a bloody pile of nothingness and refuses to come out. I hate who I am and who I'm becoming, and I'm almost a "real adult" out of college. Whee. I remember more and more how I used to feel in the past, where nobody understood a whit of me, because I don't understand myself a bit anymore. I'm not who I used to be, and I feel like everything I learned and used to be in the past has been thrown away and I'm starting from scratch everyday. I got to the point where I looked in the mirror and I don't even recognize the person that appears, and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just not happy anymore.


I am who I am, but that doesn't seem to be good enough.

anyways, I'm going to try and convince myself to continue working, especially since I have tests coming up.


Tablet ver. 1.0a

Alright, so as many of you probably know, I finally bought myself a tablet to try to restimulate my muse, who has not had an outlet for some time. I started a picture when I got it and have been putting some time in here and there, it was still fairly rushed (I was trying not to agonize over all the details) and I'm only somewhat satisfied with it (some parts specifically), especially since it's far from the level I was at during high school, but that's to be expected... I have already started on my next experiment, but the first piece is here. I wanted to experiment with Painter and decided to only use flat oil brushes, as well as only using pure black and pure white, to try and focus on technique instead of tools. Anyhow - here's what I got:

My first piece - black and white oil paint in Painter.
And a small experiment, adding some quick color to it

The color thing was just a quick experiment, FAR from perfect painting, but pretty to look at ^_^
Anyhow, that's what I've got, I would absolutely LOVE to have ANY comments that anyone can think up - positive, negative or neutral.

Also - the picture is of a celebrity - can anyone tell me who it is? (see how much I butchered her poor face =P)

People ask me why I don't think I'm a good enough artist to make it a career. Why? Because people like this are the kind of people that work in that career.


The birth of a Fable

This is a really badass article about the developers of Fable - the game which... and it pains me to say this... may actually convince me to buy an Xbox.... or at least camp out at the house of someone who has one =P

Although the thought of someone abusing the engine to have your character run around naked through classrooms is entertaining...

and quotes like this are damn entertaining: (on turn based combat) "Often this descends into a situation where you 'Summon the Seventh Demon of Kunarg', spend 3 minutes watching a jaw-dropping spell effect where the earth is ripped in two, a 500 foot monster climbs out of the crack and pisses lava over your enemies. At the end of this, the world magically heals itself and the number '23' rises helpfully from your enemy, the only indicator of the damage that's been done, or indeed what just happened."

I still think that because I can relate to the development nightmares at least a LITTLE, I think my personal favorite part is this: "However, if you'd popped your head into our office yesterday you'd have found Simon chain-smoking menthol cigarettes, Matt's body convulsing with a thousand simultaneous nervous twitches, Julian and Adam shrieking at each other about how the other one shouldn't bother looking the next time he crossed the road, while our lead artist, Ian, was falling on his knees screaming 'Why the rubbery &%*# isn't the &*#%ing Balverine still not working you useless bunch of monkeys', in front of a whiteboard listing the odds on which member of the team was going to 'crack' next."

Fable Developer Diaries

On another note, I visited the Guildhall over the break, and although the 'tour' wasn't really what I expected, it answered a lot of my questions, and at some point during the walk around the building, the epiphane hit me, that although there are a million other things I want to do, being able to create beauty in a game is something I want to be able to do - and so, despite the work and tons of effort it takes, I want to work in the game dev. industry. Now, I also figured out that they accept students in January - so, providing I graduate in Dec, I want to go there. Finally, I am in the process of trying to do art or code (a discussion for another post), but I have given myself this ultimatum:

I will work on both code and art until Oct (applications are due) and if my art talents are up to the skill level necessary to make it in the biz, I'll apply with that - if not, I'll fall back onto code.



Check this out - it's technically a spoof, but brings up some interesting points - and hell, it's worth the read for the creative insults the fake question asker spits out.

The death of the videogame industry.



Recent post on the Guildhall message boards:

Not to ruin your hopes or anything, but an informal survey came up with the following numbers:

- Approx 50% of the students didn't have significant others before the guildhall. They still don't.
- Approx 25% of the students moved with their significant others. They are all still together.
- Approx 25% of the students had significant others that did not move with them. None of them are still together.

I don't want to play this game anymore.



Auto response from Nozomi81: What is it in this world that you feel makes it beautiful? (and if the world isn't beautiful, what makes is not?)

Leave me your answer in an IM - please? I'd really like to hear from anyone that reads this - especially those of you that I haven't talked to in a really long time - even those who I may have not talked to at all.

What can I say, I'm curious.

Beauty is the roar of the river, the spray on your face, the musk of the trail. Beauty is the graceful curve of her back and the strong lines of his collarbone. Beauty is a kestrel's call, a cello concerto, a boys choir. Beauty is the way a hundred people move as one in celebration of a rock concert. Beauty is the night sky spattered wildly with diamonds, winking upon a pitch-black sky in the middle of southwest texas. Beauty is driving five hours straight without seeing another car on the road. Beauty is a song, a whisper, a knowing glance. Beauty is laughing so hard your sides hurt.


they have their highs and lows but the people around me make the world seem beautiful


fresh-squeezed orange juice
from central market ;-)

beauty is stepping outside and seeing seomthing more than the sky, closing your eyes and knowing the emotions in the song on the radio, having a shoulder to cry on, the tears on the strand of a broken heart, those same open crystal eyes in love, the creation of a dream, the heavy rain beating down on your face, the flow of a winter wind, the innocence of people, the differences people percieve, the uniqueness, recognizing another's passion, the confidence you find in people and the trust you hand them, staying up for nights on end for no reason at all, the craziest pipe dream you could imagine, memories of the past and visions of the future, laughing, crying, hurting, loving, creating, destroying, being together, being alone, closing your eyes and knowing you're alive. Beauty is what you make it - everything or nothing.

the random people you meet every day and the conversations you have with them. The people you have known forever and the aim talks with them, with best friends gossiping over dinner, or even with the woman cashier at the taco bell telling you about her first day on the job,

For me, what makes the world beautiful (and also what makes it ugly) are the people in it. The people are what creates the uniqueness and diversity of the world, and also what causes the sadness and pain. Even though I enjoy being alone, being with the right person can make a place seem ten times better than if I were there alone.

Well, that's what I got - thanks for those who IMed me ^_^



So I posted a question in my away message for the next few days - until Sunday at midnight. If you haven't already - go answer it! ^_^


Laughs out loud

An excerpt from Megatokyo - I laughed out loud when I read this one:

(on the phone)

So, tell me Piro...
Do you still love me?

Wh... What?

That's not a very nice way to respond to that question. You could hurt a girl's feelings.
In fact, I think I might start to cry.

Ehhh? No! Wait! I'm sorry! Don't do that! I...

So, you still want to play with me?


I'm so glad! I thought you might be otherwise... involved.
Don't forget to plug Ping in tonight.
Bye now.

What the... hell.

Anyways, I found it DAMN funny, but it might only be funny in context and with Fred Gallagher's beautiful artwork. And even then, it might require the 511 comics before it to make much sense.... o_O

On a stranger note, my hair tie broke in my first class today, so I've been walking around campus with a giant amorphous blob of hair on my head... and no one really seems to be noticing it... well, that's an understatement, it's frickin the size of a rabid animal on my head, I just think my friends aren't commenting on it... or it managed to control their minds and convinve them not to bring attention to it... it's got a mind of its own, I tell ya.... o_O




YAY! I finally got my tablet today! After months and months of wanting, and then months of waiting after buying, and ebay disputes and buying it from someone else, I finally got it! It's just so beautiful... :'-)


Mood: excited