We all have passions - the things that drive our actions day to day. Rather, maybe not even day to day, since those actions tend to be "go to work so I can eat", but the actions we make that affect us on a larger scale. I've recently been sitting down and thinking about that passion - what really drives me, my actions. Which, of course really got me thinking about what's driven me in the past. I definitely have the personality flaw of focusing in on one passion and letting it envelop me. A sort of tunnel vision almost.

I mean, really think about it - what has driven you in the past? My myriad of passions is strange as I've grown. When I was younger, it was simple. Try and be as good of a person as I could (which has been very persistent), progress as a person, and enjoy the ride. As I got older (high school-ish), bigger goals came up - work to earn that black belt, try to create beautiful pieces of artwork, learn to act, be able to teach karate to help other people, and the ever-present find someone to love (that one is awfully ever-present). College rolls around and succeeding academically shoots up in my priorities, trying to enjoy myself and get past the summer-camp feel of it. Then I get into Orientation and fall in love with helping new freshmen and the program, so I focus my energies on doing everything I can to make that program better, and really help each incoming student. Then I get into a relationship, and my passions shift directly into that - living it and bettering it (not necessarily successfully). Time passes, and I graduate - my passions shift to work. The excitement of the "games industry" keeps me going at about 10000% while working. Switch jobs, and my passions stay the same but amplify. Relationship ends, and passions shift around a little - passion to figure myself out, but mostly diving into the project at work. Project at work gets canceled. Where does the passion go?

That's what I've been trying to figure out, honestly. I'm not thrilled about the current state of things at work. I don't have a relationship to sink up my passions (not saying that's a bad thing necessarily), and I'm not really on an active 'hunt for the girl' at the moment. I spent a really long time in the last few years working to understand myself, my desires, my actions, and my motivations. That's an ongoing process, but isn't really a primary passion at the moment. Sitting down and thinking about it, I've come to realize that helping people is one of my constant passions in life. Helping my family, my friends, teaching - just making people's lives' better in any way I can. However, even that is gone. Many of my friends (especially the few in proximity) are doing quite well - are happy with their lives as it stands, or happy with the path that its on. Either that, or all I can do is passively offer support. My family is doing better than ever - my sister finally found someone who really treats her well, my mom and dad are happily preparing to retire and maybe even move into a new house. All around me, my friends are ensconced in mature lives full of successes, family, love, life, and even children. Not really in need of help, which is awesome.

So where does that put me? One thing I've learned is that it's incredibly incredibly easy to create fake passions. Things that distract you from what's really important - from working towards the passions that really matter. Heck, I've already found one - as I mentioned before, I'm recently falling more in love with my vehicles. Babying them and keeping them running, active and pretty (a lot like owning a pet, honestly - ladies, date a guy who can take care of something - proves they can pay attention to details). Any real, persistent passions really haven't changed, though. I really want to see the people that I love happy, to succeed, to do more than they think they can. I love the idea of helping people - anyone that I can. I'm hoping going back to grad school and teaching helps that. I do want to find love - to get past being alone. Being alone certainly makes you stronger as a person, but it wears on you after a while. I want to create inspiration - I would love to rekindle the artist in me, or establish some musical talent. I would love to travel the world - to see / understand what has inspired people from different cultures. For that matter, I would love to understand my own more - to really see India. So many desires, so many passions. So why does it feel like I have no passion right now? No real desire pushing me forward? Not that I'm depressed or anything - I'm actually loving individual things I'm doing - enjoying my cars, helping at work, working out and doing yoga more often. But as an overall progression in life? I feel very... stagnant.

Too much text, need picture. Here's a shot of my pretty bike after getting cleaned (the Mustang and Firebird are next)

Also, a lolcat. Because they make me smile

That's right, I'm mature.

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