A wonderful Coffey wedding

How often do you get the chance to see one of the people that you've known and cared about for the majority of your life, someone that you've always cared about, someone who you have grown and changed with through thick and thin, how often do you get to see a person like that on one of the happiest days of their life, and be able to share that with them? I was lucky enough to see my wonderful, long time friend Michelle get married and begin a new life with her wonderful husband. See it through my eyes



I have to admit though, there was a certain amount of strangeness that came across me when I saw her start to come down the aisle. I immediately had a flash of images come over me - seeing her as Alice from Alice in Wonderland in elementary school, to working and goofing off in the art room in high school, filming a senior video, to being a shoulder to cry on, to long late conversations catching up on each other's lives over coffee and chocolate. It all flashed over me, and I finally really realized what was happening. And it was beautiful. In that moment, I was honored to not only be there for her wedding, and be able to experience that with her, but to have had her in my life, and to hope to continue to as the years go by.



And very humorously, about 5 seconds after the picture above was taken, she ran down the aisle with her new husband and looked at me and said (with a goofy smile on her face), "Well that was easy!" :D

...

It was really interesting - her mom was crying after the wedding (out of absolute happiness) and I hugged her and said, "I almost did the same thing" (meaning the crying, which I almost did do, when I saw her come down the aisle). She responded, "It doesn't change how I feel about you, you're still my boy", taking it as me saying that I had almost married her! Which definitely surprised me. Then her father came over and said, "I only wish I had another daughter for you." I do love them very much, they're practically another family for me.

It really got me to thinking, though - about what I want out of my life - where I want to go, what kind of a person I could see myself with. And really thinking about it, I've realized that I have no idea. There are few people I have felt that way about, each one totally different than the last. And Michelle is one of the people that I've always regretted doing what I did to when we were younger. I wish things had gone differently, and I can't believe I hurt her. There are often times when I wonder what would have happened had I not broken up with her for such poor reasons. Would we have ended up together? Would things have been better? Worse? I really have no idea, but I'm glad that at least in this path that we came down, she found happiness. I love her very much and I'm glad that happened. We'll see what the future holds. I go forward with no expectations.

I love you Shell, and wish you and Brandon all the best in the world - here's to many many years of your happiness together :)

Backdated post - completed 12/06/07 12:31:00 AM

Stream of consciousness

Just a warning, this is totally just a train of thought post - no warranties provided for the sense or lack thereof.

Have you ever come across those people in your day to day life that stand out - the kind of people that seem to be in focus from the cloud of the other billions of people you interact with in the world? I know that we've all found people in our lives that we connect with, that we feel comfortable with. That's one thing - we meet those people and gain trust, companionship over time. But those people that you run into almost arbitrarily, totally uneventfully that just inspire you. Those people always amaze me - and quite frankly, surprise me. Me and a few friends recently ended up at Cafe Brazil on a cool night out on the patio, packed at 3am after a night on the town. I remember being strangely contemplative, and as I looked around the crowd, I remember seeing one of those people that was sitting inside, surrounded by friends at a table that just 'stood out', almost jumped out of the crowd. I'm sure this random was nothing more than another person to everything there, but for some reason, the way that she interacted with the people around her, laughed, moved - something was ... fascinating. Those people always derive a strange curiosity out of me - what brought them there? What makes them smile? Laugh? Cry? Angry? An almost overcoming sense of fascination for other people tends to jump out at me when I find those people - it's odd that those experiences are few and far between.

We actually went out to a really cool bar that same night - Lee Harvey's, a really laid back, outdoor var that has a true "Austin" vibe to it. While just sitting around and talking, I had the opportunity to have some very interesting discussions with some of the friends I've made in Dallas. A friend of mine was going off about whether / when to call this girl that he was interested in that he was way over thinking, since he had been worrying about it nearly non-stop since they last talked, and I commented on it. In response, a friend (in a relationship with another friend) commented that was the problem with guys now, is that they don't actually think about how their girlfriends feel and just think about themselves. And I looked at her downright quizzically, partially because I usually consider myself on the opposite side of that spectrum (probably to a fault sometimes), partially because out of all the people there, she was the last person I would have expected to say that, and finally because it finally set in, in that very moment. All the friends I've made here in Dallas really don't know me at all. They have a cursory view of the person that I am when I'm out and goofing off, but they've never seen the person that I am when I'm in a relationship, or when I'm really happy with everything that's going on. They've rarely seen the person that I am when I'm inspired, and really driven, the person that is excited and... me? It was a very strange realization to come to, that the friends that I've made in Dallas, that I consider myself close to in some ways, have never even 'met me'.

Which of course drives the point home of what people we are now, how we've gotten here, and who we are bound to become. I mean, seriously think back to the person that you were 5 years ago. How similar were you to who are you today? Did you have the same goals, ambitions, dreams, worries, fears? What was constant in your life, and what was in complete flux? Who did you depend on and who were the people that entered and exited your life by the moment? What was really important to you? I bet most of those are totally different than how you would answer today. I know they are for me. How about 3 years ago? 1 year ago? 6 months ago? How quickly we change, but we let all of these little things stress us out about 'the moment' and what's happening in the present. I know I've changed a lot, but I've also been lucky enough to have people that have been in my life for a long time and have seen me go through these changes. Hell, I'm living with a friend that I've known for 16 years now! How freaking different was I when I was 10? I get a reminder of that every time I go home and see my old home, my parents, my family and my friends. I've changed - some of it I like, and some of it I really don't. More interestingly - how similar do you think you'll be in the next few years? How about your friends? What's your future persona like. Would you like him / her?

Almost every time I see my friends, the "why are you still single" card gets thrown out there (in various ways, depending upon who you talk to). And I finally realized why (one of many reasons, I'm sure). Most of my friends have said "my standards are too high", or that "I should just date everyone I find that I'm remotely attracted to", or various forms of that. What it really comes down to is what I mentioned before - "inspiration". I have such a strong association with those people that just are in focus across the blur of reality, that they tend to be the people that I get really passionate about, that I really want to meet, that just instantly inspire me to do more. I it very difficult for myself to really get into anything without that feeling, or that develops that feeling very quickly. Maybe I'm too picky, but in a different respect than most, but I love inspiration. It drives me, and always has. *shrugs*

Ok, I'm done - any post with this much text... needs a lolcat :p



Backdated post - completed 12/05/07 11:37:00 PM

Incubus!

Yay! So I got to see Incubus for the sixth time yesterday :) (twice at the Aerial in Houston, once in San Antonio, once in Austin, once at the Gypsy Tea Room (now gone) and now once at Smirnov). Absolutely my favorite band to see live. They always put on a spectacular show, hands down. We were at the front for the entire time, so I got plenty of cool pictures :)



I think I've enjoyed their music for so long because it feels like incredibly often, their songs relate directly to my life for so long. You know how certain songs always hold feelings of reminiscence? Well, although I have that with a ton of songs, the most come from Incubus - probably at least two on each record hold some sort of significance to when I first heard them, or when I jammed to them the most, or just some random memory that seems to have associated with them. So on top of hearing them play freakin' awesome music live, it's like a trip down memory lane, taking a random turn at each juncture dependent upon what songs they decided to play. Very cool.

I also had a reflective moment of introspection as Mike Einziger whipped out a banjo and started jamming out the intro riff to Aqueous Transmission to end the encore at the show. He obviously knew the song so well he could play it in his sleep, so he was just staring out into the crowd with a fascinated look on his face, wavering across the faces. I can only wonder what he was thinking at the time. It must be a pretty amazing feeling to look out among that many thousands of people staring right up at you, 'feeling' the music that you created, and cheering you on to do so.

I've only ever 'performed' like that once (if you can even call it that), back during an Orientation retreat where a friend and I jammed on a song for the talent show for fun. We did 'Everything you wan' by Vertical Horizon (this was a while ago, ok? :p) and I remember being absolutely amazed looking out on the crowd (of about 70+ people) at how much people related to it, and got lost in it as they sang the lyrics out to the people around them in the room. We weren't good, and I'm sure none of the crowd was singing in tune, but you know what? Noone seemed to care and everyone enjoyed it. That feeling that I'm so ineloquently trying to explain here is one I wish I cold replicate - and why I really wish I had the talent to sing and / or play the guitar better. Gives a desire to keep working at it though. For inspiration :)

Adventure!

Man, I love xkcd - one of the many things that just about always makes me laugh.



Wanna have an adventure? First line in how great stories start :)

Too many people haven't been having adventures in their lives - my list just keeps getting bigger and bigger, and I'm finally starting to plan out knocking some of them off. Here's a few

- Carve up more blue runs on a snowboard
- Go to Vegas with friends
- Make a weekend trip out to New Orleans
- Go to more wine tastings in Dallas
- Get a backpack (and maybe a friend) and hop on my bike and ride out to nowhere and see where I end up in a week. Then ride home.
- Do some real, climbing mountains rock climbing!
- Make some crazy awesome badass stuff every day (check!)

So what's your next adventure?

Apparently I suck at blogging.

Yup, that's me - I suck at blogging. Really is a shame, because I really do enjoy writing here. Well, to be honest, I enjoy writing in general. I'm going to really try to be better about putting more posts up here. I'd hate for it to go the way of my dream journal.

There was a point earlier this year where I was having very vivid dreams (and I still do, occasionally), and they were always really fascinating. So I went out and bought a dream journal (very appropriately covered with Morpheus, the king of dreams from Neil Gaiman's Sandman). Unfortunately, it has continued to be barren, not containing even a single entry. Maybe I'm just too lazy in the morning to do it. We'll see :p



Anyways, I digress. We've been crunching for the last week at work (which, I still assert that crunching at my current job is an absolute joke compared to crunch at other studios). Which of course means the real tiring out you do is totally voluntary. However, there is a lot to be done and not a lot of time to do it in, so it's been a busy week. That and we have one more week to go. What makes me sad is that, for the first time in a really long time, there are some games that I really want to play that are coming out, that I have to put on the side for now, until we finish crunching.

I was really looking forward to playing Bioshock, which came out last week, and actually surprised me quite a bit. In playing the demo, the world is absolutely beautiful not only in it's visuals, but also its story. The underwater city of Rapture is a fascinating place built off of political escape, and it produces a very compelling environment. I hope we start to see more hybrids of graphics and storytelling in the future. Hopefully my expectations aren't too high from the demo.



The other game I've really been looking forward to is Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. For anyone that has known my gamer side for any length of time, you know that I am a total Metroid fanboy. I think it derives from how much I enjoyed going through the original games on the NES and SNES. Super Metroid is still my personal "Best game of all time", especially for its time. So, I have been waiting for the new Metroid since I first played the original Metroid on the NES. The environments, the music, the adventure, the exploring aspect - Metroid is one of my personal heavens of gaming. It is also probably the series that I have replayed the most. I know that I've played through every single one multiple times, with the exception of Echoes. What excites me the most is that the controls are actually supposed to be very visceral on the Wii. I really hope it stands up to all the hype. I just know that when I'm playing a Metroid game, I tend to be totally pulled into the game play, and enjoy every minute of it. That's why this one makes me so sad that I'll have to wait to play it. (And avoid listening to other people's accounts of it).



That, and Samus is a hottie. There, I said it ;) Who said guys aren't attracted to strong women? lol



And, on a slightly more existential note, I'm always fascinated to hear and understand people's motivations for their actions, mine own included. Among my circle of friends, it's a topic of constant discussion, primarily because of Dave's incredible averseness to religion as a whole, and the fact that I tend to associate with very liberal people willing to entertain discussions of the sort. Some people are driven by their religion (or fear of it), some people are driven by their lack of religion, some driven by their morals, some driven by what they don't understand, and some who believe they are not driven, but are 'being' driven in the direction of fate.

Often in these discussions, people (Dave, in particular) tend to poke into my beliefs vehemently, since (for anyone who has seen me in these discussions) I tend to take the role of chameleon / devil's advocate / facilitator / therapist. Which actually tends to be a little bit more interesting at times (although maybe that's just for me). Maybe it's because subconsciously, I already know my beliefs, and so it's more interesting to hear other peoples. I dunno. Anyways, I digress.

People often ask me about my religious views, and my motivations, and in general, the closest I can get to is spiritual but not religious with a splash of agnostic. Most, if not all of my decisions are based off of the morals and views of right and wrong (although Dave doesn't believe in those either) that I was raised under. Which were, ironically enough instilled upon via with religious tones. That's a very simplistic notion of it, and certainly not without exception. I realize to some that sounds silly and hard to understand. (after all, something like belief in a higher power must be binary, right?)

A few things happened to me recently that solidified these beliefs to myself. Over the course of the last week, the following things were said to me: (each from someone that I consider close and respect)

You are a good person and a good friend. Thank you for everything...

Thank you. Thank you for actually being fair and not taking a side and not just making the negative assumptions that so many of our mutual friends seem to be.

[We] really struck gold when we found you.

So that. That's the reason that I do the things that I do day to day.

Time

Alright, so here I am, on the night of the last day of my wonderfully fun and relaxing week long vacation in Captiva. It only seemed appropriate to blog about time. Certainly as the first few days passed while we were here, time was moving incredibly slowly, filling the days with time in the pool, tennis, cooking at the cottage, swimming in the ocean and of course, countless philosophical debates - yet only two days had passed. Surely the rest of the week would feel like forever! We could do everything we wanted! And yet, here we are, at the end of the week, trying to figure what on earth we managed that made the time fly by so quickly. Truth be told, I think most of the people are ready to head back, but it sure is nice to be able to sit out on the patio and enjoy the beautiful weather here. (Minus the mosquitos! Apparantly you really can't escape them, even by going to another state!



But what becomes far more fascinating than that is how we look at time on a broader scale (seriously? did you expect to read some post of mine that doesn't have some sort of existential undertones? :p). It's so easy to not realize where we're really spending your time. Something a close friend said really sums it up (I wish I could quote it directly, but the conversation is on my work machine) pertaining directly to the subject. It was something to the effect of, "Fuck not having enough time - the only live once here and we almost never spend time on the things that are really important to us. Sometimes we have to create time for those things, even if we can't 'fit them in' to our busy lives". Thanks Pat - you're always there for inspiration ;) And I tend to agree - so often we make the excuses - 'I just don't have time' and 'there are so many things I need to take care of' (myself certainly guilty). But you know what? We need to change to make sure that you're making time for the things that really are important. Just saying "I wish I was doing _____" or "I need to spend more time doing _____" or (worst of all) "Something I want to accomplish eventually is _____". Enough of that! Things like that need to be acted upon in the here and now. It's no reason to all of a sudden throw life into an upheaval, but to make sure that the time you spend outside of the necesseties are pushing towards those goals, those desires. I know it's something I intend to work on.

And even on a different note, think about the time that has already passed - the things that you certainly can't change. Personally, I can only speak for around 25 years of that time. And even then - if you know me at all, you know that my memory of my childhood is spotty at best. And not much better growing up. I think it's subconciously a reason I take so many pictures. Tangible memories. But seriously - think about where you were 1 year ago. What was your outlook back then? What was important to you? What things were you striving for? What was driving you? What were you excited about? What were you sad about? How similar were you to how you are now? How about 5 years ago? Really sit down and think about it. Personally, 5 years ago puts me in the middle of a summer after my second year in college, wide eyed and working like mad while goofing off with friends, living day to day, not even thinking about life after this 4 year long 'camp' with lots of classes. How about 10 years ago? Isn't it amazing how differently we can think in such short periods of time? It's really humbling when you think about it. Yet another thing I hope to keep in mind more often, as it pertains to me and the people I care about.

On a simpler note - two of the books I started and finished on this trip were Many Lives, Many Masters (recommended strongly by a friend), which turned out to be an incredibly fascinating read. I'll probably go back and re-read it later just for fun. And A Cat Named Darwin, which I randomly picked up at my favorite bookstore in the world, Bookpeople a few years ago, because, well, the kitty on the cover was cute, and it sounded interesting :) It actually turned out to be a much deeper and thought provoking read (not suprising since I was expecting a simple, shallow, vacation book. Needless to say, I really enjoyed it. So much so that I've already loaned it to someone else to read :p Oh, and for the video gamer in me, I totally went through Metroid: Zero Mission for the second time on hard mode, which proved to be (but of course) an absolutely phenominal glory of gaming splendor :)



Alright, it's time for bed. And then back to the world in Dallas and back to work on Monday. Nice and rejuvenated :)

Gaming

Holy crap Veej! What're you doing? You just put a post up! Yeah well, this is substantially different, and just so cool that is warrants another post.

One thing that comes out of having Zach here as a roommate is that the intense videogame conversations are rampant around here. The industry is evolving and changing so much, it's always interesting to riff interesting ideas off of one another. After seeing Zach go through the entire Jak and Daxter series and chipping in my input when I could (such a great bunch of games!)



We got to chatting about how spectacular some of the voice acting and cinematography was in those games, and soon god on the topic of other games that acheived the same. Another example that came to mind (primarily because we were looking for a PSP copy of it) was Valkyrie Profile, which told a huge array of compelling stories in a sprite format - excellent RPG.



And of course, one of my personal favorites was Shadow of the Colossus, which is easily one of the most gorgeous pieces of art I've ever seen. Just talking about it has made me want to play it again. Right now.



But the really compelling one was a little game well known as one of "The best games noone played", Beyond Good and Evil, an absolutely astonishing game that really is different than a lot of the other games out there (especially for its time period, given that it was released in 2003). Not only does it have a compelling storyline unique from many of the trivial game plots out there, it's a game where you can genuinely care about your characters and motivations. Jade is a powerful female protagonist (whose breasts aren't the sizes of watermelons! *gasp*!) that is a joy to play. It really is the closest thing I've seen to a movie, game, and art piece combined. I sit here, watching Zach play it again (for the 3rd time, I believe), imploring and begging you to go to your closest game store and buy a copy for the 10 bucks they're selling it for, since not enough people buy it (and trust me, it's there - we stumbled across about 20 copies while looking for Valkyrie Profile). It's a game that at least starts to prove where video games have been trying to head for a long time.



In fact, the reason I started typing this whole thing up was because of this really interesting article about why Beyond Good and Evil didn't succeed that I highly recommend reading.

It really is games like these last two that are really what excites me about being in the industry and where we're going. I hope that one day, before I leave the industry (in one way or another), that I can say I've created a piece of art that is as compelling and unique as one of those games. I know there are some people that want to work on similar things, and I hope I get the oppurtunity, because it seems like too many people don't realize what games could and have become. I wish that more people could appreciate games like Shadow of the Colossus and Beyond Good and Evil than the small groups of people that have played them.

"Let them know the truth about gaming: innovation hasn’t died; it just doesn’t always share the same amount of shelf space as mediocrity."

Food

Food really is a wonderful thing - it's quite a bit more than just fuel. On that note - if you haven't already, go see Ratatouille - go see it right now, because it really is pretty damn wonderful. I'm already thinking about going and seeing it again I enjoyed it so much. The ending portions of it were so ridiculously funny and cute I was nearly crying from laughing so hard :p


Remy and I, we love cheese :)

Anyways - back to my point. Something I've realized again recently - food is not only delectably delicious, but also a powerful form of expression and 'social glue', as it were. The most fun times I've had in the last few months have been in the random times when me and my friends have all gotten together at someones house and either BBQ ed, or just kicked back with a home cooked dinner and a movie. Few things are as nice as a summer night out on the porch with a glass of wine, friends and fresh Indian food (I have my folks to thank for that night of deliciousness). On the other end of the spectrum, throwing together, seasoning and cooking a giant steak with a bunch of friends and some beers is just as much fun :p


Giant Chateau Brianne steak - SO good it was eaten off the cutting board

Just cooking at home has been a lot of fun too - homemade food just tastes so much better and is damn fun to prepare. I had forgotten how satisfying it is, since I haven't really done much since college. I've even started to furnish out my kitchen with more appropriate tools to cook with :) Most recently, I tried out a few new recipes (thanks Zach and Ciri for tasting!) which included: Gouda and artichoke bruschetta, stuffed chicken with a spinach and Gouda blend, lyonnaise potatoes, and a caramelized fruit cup parfait. Yum! They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach - I just didn't expect to be winning my own lol.


I have a soft spot for artichoke. Yum!

It also seems that in many ways, we do turn into our parents. Clearly not in all ways, but definitely in some. Why the weird parental comment? It kind of came to me when Zach and Ciri were chilling out at the house playing guitar hero, and the hummus I had made for a party the week before came up, and I decided to whip up a batch. A little while later, there I am, wandering out of the kitchen with a giant bowl of way too much hummus, fresh toasted pita bread, crackers, slices of salami and fresh slices of Gouda... (if any of you know my mother, you understand the point of this story). To top it all off, while relaxing on the couch watching them play, Ciri turns and makes fun of me, stating the obvious - "I love how you're actively cutting up new slices of cheese this entire time." And sure enough, there I am, cheese slicer and a slab of Gouda in my hand, mentally screaming to myself, "Holy freaking crap! I've turned into my mother!" Which, I suppose if this comes with the amazing ability to cook the best Indian food in the known universe, I can live with that :D


Homemade hummus is pure solid deliciousness.

Quotes

Sara: I've always believed in fate. I've always believed that life is more than a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. But rather, a tapestry of events that culminate into an exquisite plan. I mean, I just spent the entire flight staring into the sky thinking. Not about my fiance, but about this mystery guy I met a million and a half hours ago. A guy I don't even remember except for this vague picture inside my head. It's just a few seconds, a fragment really, and it's like, in that moment the whole universe existed just to bring us together. We spent only a few precious hours together and I never even gave him my last name or my phone number. Instead, I told him that if we were meant to be together, if fate meant for us to be together, we'd meet again someday. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm going to let fate take me anywhere it wants to go, because when all of this is over, atleast I'll never have to think of him ever again. Let's just pray he's a bald Fascist who picks his nose and wipes it under the car seat. - Serendipity

J.D.: Shut up, shut up, shut up and shut up, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long. (to Dr. Cox) And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I'm not afraid of you. "Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby." That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn't it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE. (to Carla and Turk) And you two, you're arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you're probably the first couple that's ever done that EVER. It can't be that you're just scared is it? (to Elliot) And you, you know what, let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are. - Scrubs

Dr. Cox: Relationships don't work the way they do on television or in the movies. Will they, won't they, then they finally do and they live happily ever after, give me a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with and half the ones that get married get divorced anyway. And through all of this, I have not become a cynic; I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is primarily about pushing chocolate covered candies and, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do... believe in it. Bottom line, the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship, if it's right and they're real lucky... one of them will say something. - Scrubs

Choices

Courtesy of xkcd