Stream of consciousness

Just a warning, this is totally just a train of thought post - no warranties provided for the sense or lack thereof.

Have you ever come across those people in your day to day life that stand out - the kind of people that seem to be in focus from the cloud of the other billions of people you interact with in the world? I know that we've all found people in our lives that we connect with, that we feel comfortable with. That's one thing - we meet those people and gain trust, companionship over time. But those people that you run into almost arbitrarily, totally uneventfully that just inspire you. Those people always amaze me - and quite frankly, surprise me. Me and a few friends recently ended up at Cafe Brazil on a cool night out on the patio, packed at 3am after a night on the town. I remember being strangely contemplative, and as I looked around the crowd, I remember seeing one of those people that was sitting inside, surrounded by friends at a table that just 'stood out', almost jumped out of the crowd. I'm sure this random was nothing more than another person to everything there, but for some reason, the way that she interacted with the people around her, laughed, moved - something was ... fascinating. Those people always derive a strange curiosity out of me - what brought them there? What makes them smile? Laugh? Cry? Angry? An almost overcoming sense of fascination for other people tends to jump out at me when I find those people - it's odd that those experiences are few and far between.

We actually went out to a really cool bar that same night - Lee Harvey's, a really laid back, outdoor var that has a true "Austin" vibe to it. While just sitting around and talking, I had the opportunity to have some very interesting discussions with some of the friends I've made in Dallas. A friend of mine was going off about whether / when to call this girl that he was interested in that he was way over thinking, since he had been worrying about it nearly non-stop since they last talked, and I commented on it. In response, a friend (in a relationship with another friend) commented that was the problem with guys now, is that they don't actually think about how their girlfriends feel and just think about themselves. And I looked at her downright quizzically, partially because I usually consider myself on the opposite side of that spectrum (probably to a fault sometimes), partially because out of all the people there, she was the last person I would have expected to say that, and finally because it finally set in, in that very moment. All the friends I've made here in Dallas really don't know me at all. They have a cursory view of the person that I am when I'm out and goofing off, but they've never seen the person that I am when I'm in a relationship, or when I'm really happy with everything that's going on. They've rarely seen the person that I am when I'm inspired, and really driven, the person that is excited and... me? It was a very strange realization to come to, that the friends that I've made in Dallas, that I consider myself close to in some ways, have never even 'met me'.

Which of course drives the point home of what people we are now, how we've gotten here, and who we are bound to become. I mean, seriously think back to the person that you were 5 years ago. How similar were you to who are you today? Did you have the same goals, ambitions, dreams, worries, fears? What was constant in your life, and what was in complete flux? Who did you depend on and who were the people that entered and exited your life by the moment? What was really important to you? I bet most of those are totally different than how you would answer today. I know they are for me. How about 3 years ago? 1 year ago? 6 months ago? How quickly we change, but we let all of these little things stress us out about 'the moment' and what's happening in the present. I know I've changed a lot, but I've also been lucky enough to have people that have been in my life for a long time and have seen me go through these changes. Hell, I'm living with a friend that I've known for 16 years now! How freaking different was I when I was 10? I get a reminder of that every time I go home and see my old home, my parents, my family and my friends. I've changed - some of it I like, and some of it I really don't. More interestingly - how similar do you think you'll be in the next few years? How about your friends? What's your future persona like. Would you like him / her?

Almost every time I see my friends, the "why are you still single" card gets thrown out there (in various ways, depending upon who you talk to). And I finally realized why (one of many reasons, I'm sure). Most of my friends have said "my standards are too high", or that "I should just date everyone I find that I'm remotely attracted to", or various forms of that. What it really comes down to is what I mentioned before - "inspiration". I have such a strong association with those people that just are in focus across the blur of reality, that they tend to be the people that I get really passionate about, that I really want to meet, that just instantly inspire me to do more. I it very difficult for myself to really get into anything without that feeling, or that develops that feeling very quickly. Maybe I'm too picky, but in a different respect than most, but I love inspiration. It drives me, and always has. *shrugs*

Ok, I'm done - any post with this much text... needs a lolcat :p

Backdated post - completed 12/05/07 11:37:00 PM

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