Emotional coma.
I feel this way quite often. Very eloquent, leiahime.
(and for those who pull the art card - you know my argument to that.)
(and for those who pull the art card - you know my argument to that.)
8/06/2003
Alrgorithm chimp.
Now, I don't fancy the idea of sitting behind a computer 16 hours and being a code monkey for the working years of my life, but it is a really cool feeling when you finish a really long program that WORKS PERFECTLY and does something that would take a person days of monotonous work in under a second. ^_^
Yay for successfully writing a program again. ^_^
(and one that solves a problem, no less!)
Yay for successfully writing a program again. ^_^
(and one that solves a problem, no less!)
8/04/2003
AARGH!
Arrrgh! stupid contact! Wasted a good 30 minutes trying to put my contact in, only to get it stuck in my eye with a hair behind it, now my right eye is REALLY bloodshot and I look like a coke addict. Screw the contacts, I'm wearing glasses. It's gonna be a wonderful day, I can tell already. -_-
8/02/2003
8/01/2003
Inspire.
It's been so long.
The life that flows inside of you burns inside of me.
I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to really listen.
They love to tell you stay inside the lines.
To more than just hear music, to feel it.
Scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far.
To close your eyes and disappear.
I almost fell into that hole in your life. And you're not thinking about tomorrow.
To let the words tell you a story.
You make the sound of laughter. And sharpened nails seem softer.
A story of life.
I know I'll see you again, whether far or soon.
Of loss.
The pistol's shakin' in my hands, and all I hear is the sound.
Of happiness?
The light was just right, it reminded me twice that I was alive.
To just try and imagine.
I will hold you close if you're afraid of heights.
What the writer felt when writing it.
'Cause it's always raining in my head. Forget all the things I should have said.
Was it written over tear soaked pages?
So lonely inside so busy out there. And all you wanted was somebody who cares.
Was it an epic, written over years?
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
An inspiration, jotted on a napkin?
And so you wait. And lie awake. For a lonely miracle.
It's the kind of art that numbs all fears.
A baby crying through a dream. An afterthought.
That gives a connection.
Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face.
Were they aware of the inspiration behind their words?
And now I wish that I could turn back the hours but I know i just don't have the power.
That people would relate their past.
Since I said I'm sorry. Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face.
Their pains.
'Cause I'm fucked up because you are. Need attention, attention you couldn't give.
Their emotions.
I don't want you back. You're just the best I ever had.
And feel like the song was speaking to noone but them.
To make up your own ending and let me know just how you feel.
A single voice in an ocean of noise.
I'm waiting for the sky to fall. I'm waiting for a sign.
To be able to show you.
Tease me, by holding out your hand. Then leave me, or take me as I am.
New worlds.
You won't let me fall. You still my heart and you take my breath away.
New thoughts.
And she wonders where these dreams go, 'cause the world got in her way.
New dreams.
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once.
To be able to blur the edge of reality.
I am not made of steel. But your secrets' safe with me.
To give a short escape.
We just need your help, so glad you're here.
From which you have to leave.
When everything feels like the movies. And you bleed just to know you're alive.
And leave you questioning.
No disappointment 'til I wake up. Don't want to wake up.
What is real, and just a dream.
And I'm somewhere in between. What is real, and just a dream.
The life that flows inside of you burns inside of me.
I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to really listen.
They love to tell you stay inside the lines.
To more than just hear music, to feel it.
Scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far.
To close your eyes and disappear.
I almost fell into that hole in your life. And you're not thinking about tomorrow.
To let the words tell you a story.
You make the sound of laughter. And sharpened nails seem softer.
A story of life.
I know I'll see you again, whether far or soon.
Of loss.
The pistol's shakin' in my hands, and all I hear is the sound.
Of happiness?
The light was just right, it reminded me twice that I was alive.
To just try and imagine.
I will hold you close if you're afraid of heights.
What the writer felt when writing it.
'Cause it's always raining in my head. Forget all the things I should have said.
Was it written over tear soaked pages?
So lonely inside so busy out there. And all you wanted was somebody who cares.
Was it an epic, written over years?
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
An inspiration, jotted on a napkin?
And so you wait. And lie awake. For a lonely miracle.
It's the kind of art that numbs all fears.
A baby crying through a dream. An afterthought.
That gives a connection.
Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face.
Were they aware of the inspiration behind their words?
And now I wish that I could turn back the hours but I know i just don't have the power.
That people would relate their past.
Since I said I'm sorry. Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face.
Their pains.
'Cause I'm fucked up because you are. Need attention, attention you couldn't give.
Their emotions.
I don't want you back. You're just the best I ever had.
And feel like the song was speaking to noone but them.
To make up your own ending and let me know just how you feel.
A single voice in an ocean of noise.
I'm waiting for the sky to fall. I'm waiting for a sign.
To be able to show you.
Tease me, by holding out your hand. Then leave me, or take me as I am.
New worlds.
You won't let me fall. You still my heart and you take my breath away.
New thoughts.
And she wonders where these dreams go, 'cause the world got in her way.
New dreams.
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once.
To be able to blur the edge of reality.
I am not made of steel. But your secrets' safe with me.
To give a short escape.
We just need your help, so glad you're here.
From which you have to leave.
When everything feels like the movies. And you bleed just to know you're alive.
And leave you questioning.
No disappointment 'til I wake up. Don't want to wake up.
What is real, and just a dream.
And I'm somewhere in between. What is real, and just a dream.
Control
I hate the feeling that my mind is overpowering me... I can't shatter the fears, the anxieties, the pain, it just keeps flooding my head, everything. I don't understand how I did this so many times before, concealing mind and body in a shell in the corner, and going out with a smile on my face. I can't breathe, the cold night now scares me because of what my mind does. I hate closing my eyes to sleep, because of how much my mind races, from one thing to another, now, five years ago, five years from now, five minutes from now... I just don't know what to do... Such a familiar feeling, familiar place... I don't know... I need an outlet... something... anything...
I'm just so tired. *sigh*
I'm just so tired. *sigh*
Understading
Evanescence
Understanding (Wash It All Away)
"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the answer is always there."
(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we idolize
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time
"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone
"You're not alone, are you?"
"Never... Never."
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
"But the answer is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
Understanding (Wash It All Away)
"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the answer is always there."
(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we idolize
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time
"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone
"You're not alone, are you?"
"Never... Never."
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
"But the answer is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
"Because I'm tired of it too."
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