If you don't create change, change will create you

OldFriend: I look back on all of the positive influences I've encountered in my life, and in management, and I try ti emulate them. Rob, Paul, Bill, Tony, you. Not everyone did everything perfectly, but all of you did some things really well.
Vijay: well thanks man, I'm honored to be on that list
OldFriend: Vijay : Enthusiasm!
Vijay: and yea, it's pretty amazing to look back at all those people and really try and figure out how to take the best of everyone to do better
Vijay: lol
Vijay: :)
Vijay: constant drive to improve
Vijay: <3 it
OldFriend: from day one, at Sony, that's what you did. Lots of energy in your work.
OldFriend: that's why you deserved to lead the programming team after Ensemble broke down.
Vijay: thanks man :)

It's always fascinating to reflect on how you got to where you are today. There were a million different versions of self that adapted, broke, changed and rebuilt each day we grow older. Those moments almost always come up for me when someone I knew in the past reminds of who I am in their eyes. In so many ways, the band of characters I've met over the course of my twenty eight years each hold a snapshot of who I am, so much so that they collectively hold the most endearing photo album of my character. It's a little morose, but there are times when the shadow of my self that exists in their mind is so difficult to remember that it feels more like remembering a character in a book than reliving memories. Why morose? Because more often than not, I envy and am proud of that shadow more than I am the current version of me. That's not progress.

And at the same time I have amazing opportunity after opportunity, am blessed with the grace of wonderful people in my life constantly. Have had virtually nothing but good things happen to me especially in comparison to other people in the world, or even other people in my life. In so many facets of my life, I'm moving forward. I have a job tons of people would envy, good friends I see often, a home, a cat, hobbies, new desires and challenges overcome everyday. Yet I still feel like I'm barely maintaining a grip on the cliff of life instead of climbing up it. I still look back and admire the former self that tackled every problem with passion and headfirst. And I know that self still exists, I just haven't figured out how to get him out again.

Vijay : Enthusiasm!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

when you figure out how to find that inner person again, I hope you don't mind giving me some pointers in finding mine.