I fear change, and will keep my bushes.

Change is certainly a tricky little bastard. It's probably the only thing that we widely accept will always be around, and yet it seems to sneak up behind you with a swift kick in the ass when you least expect it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I've had these whirlwinds of event happen to me before, but I think this one takes the cake. Specifically, in the last month, I've lost my girlfriend, my two roommates, my parents (in a manner of speaking, they're moving out of the country), and my job.

No need to panic, that last comment was purely for melodramatic effect. I actually find the summation of it all so ricidulous in its timing I can't help but laugh when I recount it.

It has, however, put me into quite a self-reflective state, trying to take this "life reset" of sorts to heart. I think my friend put it best - "It's like your fresh out of college again, and can go do anything." Asking what you should be asking yourself all along the way: What is it that you want to do with your life?

With the job situation, we were left with a pretty slick severance package thanks to the effort of the management of the studio, which opened a good many opportunities for people. Left and right, coworkers and friends around me dive headfirst into risk and oppurtunity. Following their dreams, be it ambitions of money, of that one game they've always wanted to make, of spending time with their families, or of travelling the world around us.

So I sit down to think about what it is that I want to do given the chance for a fresh start, which of the numerous dreams and ambitions I've had in the past to follow?


And nothing happens. Nothing. Have I really become so entrenched in this day-to-day world that I've made for myself that's so far away from where I actually feel like myself that I can't even figure out what drives me anymore?

What's number one? Is it to make the "great american video game"? Is it to lead people to do so? Is it to be led and learn? Is it to be my own businessman? Is it to take the steps to start a family? Is it to start a karate school? Is it to go back to school? Is it to absorb all the knowledge I'm curious of? Is it to become a professor? Is it to do everything I can to help those I care about? Is it to get the heck out of Dallas? Is it to get the heck out of this country and see what the rest of the world is? Is it to reconnect with my culture?

So many questions, and nothing pulling in any direction. One of my largest personality flaws is that I often take the path of least resistance, and there is one available, to work with some amazing talent with a simply ubelievable professional opportunity at a start up in Dallas. I can't make that decision because its the easy one. If I decide to go there, it needs to be my passion that pushes me there. The clock is ticking there.

I have no idea where this is going to take me or how I'll get there. The only thing I'm sure of is that this is the chance to start over, a rebirth in many ways, and I need to treat it like that, no matter what I do.

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