Taking it for granted

Taking a five minute break between a million meetings, writing documents, looking at technology and writing code, I stumbled through the stacks of articles on cnn, falling onto this one about parenting. As grim and specific as the tone is, it's an interesting reminder about how easy it is to follow the status quo, all the while not realizing the great things you come across in life. It's not always something as specific as a marriage or a friendship, I think. Those are just the easiest to see. An excerpt:

But it's too little, too fleeting. We spend so much of our lives passing each other on the way somewhere. ... What's gone is the pure selfishness that brought us together. Something that belonged only to us, that was unique to us and part of us, has gotten lost.

But isn't this what happens in life -- that what I remember was a time, not a thing, and we can no more recapture those versions of ourselves than we can travel to ancient Rome? That a normal part of becoming an adult, of raising a family together, is leaving behind treasured swaths of the love affair that got us here -- the mindless lust, the inside jokes, the laughter? Perhaps. But even so, selfish though it may be, I miss my wife.

Maybe it's the optimist in me that pokes his head out at just the right time, but I think he's wrong. It's not just the normal course of life and being an adult, appreciating the people / beauty around you that brings you joy (in this case his wife). I just think as more and more things come up that try and distract us, it forces us to work harder to focus on those things that bring you happiness. Difficult is not the same as inevitable.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The article didn't seem pessimistic to me, exactly - more like hopefulness tinged with desperation. A desire to rekindle that "fire" felt before, but understanding the reality that it would have to be "adapted" to current circumstance, and that it takes both sides working to regain it.

But I agree with you, sort of. I don't think "love changing" into something more "adult" is inevitable either - but I do think trying to keep it in a state besides that, becoming more *difficult* as time goes on, is.

Of course one of the things we all have to remember is that we - not society, not our parents, not our friends - we get to decide what "adult" actually means to us. The only problems arise when one's definition differs from one's partner...but then, every relationship has some compromise. That's part of what love is.

- Michael