*ah... ah.... ah.... AHCHOO!*

Alright, it's been a really long time since I've posted - which, trust me, isn't because I haven't wanted to, but because I lack the drive and effort it takes to do so. (And, as can be seen by the title of this post, I am sick. Really damn sick, and it sucks a LOT - I've been sick for the past four days, and this week was going to be stressful BEFORE I realized I would be working at 50% (which has already involved such mishaps as spilling a giant sprite over the lunch table, and going to the first meeting of the Digital Arts Center with my fly down... and having this pointed out to me by the person I was just introduced to that I would be working with. whee.) So yeah, blah! Blah on sickess! >:-O

Aside from that wonderfulness, I have been trying frantically to not get cheated out of 250 bucks that I bought a tablet for on eBay, only to be an over six week struggle with the buyer that is still ongoing. I want to just buy it from amazon or buy.com, but the prices just went up on them, and I'm still trying to see if I'll get my money back in the first place.

Which really sucks because my muse has been beating me over the head with creativity trying to get me to draw - I've jumped back into that artist's passion that I jump back into every once in a while where I just want to do exactly what Ms. Waterman suggested and go wander around for a week with just a sketchbook and draw whatever hits me. (yeah, bad idea considering I'm sick and already swamped with work) So yeah, I was hoping that I would have the tablet by now to be the battery that jump-starts my creative inspirations again.

On a good note, the DVDs of orientation I've been working on for the last two months are finally done! Whee!!! So now there are a pile of 60+ DVDs sitting on my bedroom floor, all nice and pretty like, with a lot of time and effort buried into them, just waiting to be delivered to their owners. That makes me happy ^_^ because now some of the OAs can actually have copies of what they did over the summer to go back and watch - especially those that made complete fools of themselves ^_~.

And finally - this whole "college" thingy seems to be coming to a close, and I need to figure out what the HELL I'm going to do very soon... so if anyone cares to help me, or offer their opinions, they would be GREATLY appreciated, cuz lord knows I have no clue what I'm doing. So Kim came across a game development post bachelor's school, the Guildhall, that she pointed out to me that looks pretty interesting... actually made my industry professionals... still a little skeptical, but it looks pretty cool, all except for the $37k price tag for the 18 month program... which added a few more bullets to the list of choices, which was good and bad. So here's what I've got - offer your opinions!

- Apply for CS grad school here at UT, and continue working with Bruce Naylor in developing a Digital Arts Center here on campus

- Continue working at the Digital Media Collaboratory and have them hook me up with the games industry in Austin and hope to get a job

- Take full advantage of my GPA and work in college and apply to a grad school like Carnegie Mellon (the #1 CS research institution in the nation) and try to work on cutting edge CS research

- Apply to the Guildhall pursuing the Software Development Specialization, and hope to get into the games industry working in engine design / coding

- Screw the whole "CS" thing and apply to the Guildhall pursuing the Art Creation Specialization (which would entail a LOT of work on my art skills before then) and hope to get into the games industry working in modeling / art design

- Screw the whole "CS" thing and apply to a masters degree somewhere in Higher Education and continue working with students and improving the orientation process across different schools in the nation

So yeah.... simple, right? -_- Well yeah, tell me what you think. (the comments are at the end of this post - after the other two sub-post thingys.)

In the words of Sean - I'm a binge blogger - forever there's nothing, then *BLAM!* 25 pages of text, no pictures!

When I close my eyes, I see...

So a good friend of mine for.... 9 years now were talking a night or two back about the dojo we trained at a long time ago (actually, a picture of me and my three closest karate buddies is in the upper right of that page) and reminiscing about how it used to be, the training, the passion, the comradery. Apparently a lot has changed down there, there's not as much training available for those who want to progress in the upper ranks, most upper ranks only teach, and some of the best people there - Ryan, Eirdam, Obmaces, Eric and Sherry Zarske - are all gone. The whole thing looks like it's changed drastically, and all of us who worked through blood, sweat and tears are left with just the memory of the trip there. It's definately something I miss a lot, it was always a place to release all the frustrations of life, all the while being surrounded by a close family that developed there, and it's something that really made me who I am today. I can close my eyes and just the see the early Saturday mornings training, the Sunday pre-tests, working through and pushing farther and farther then you thought you could, and realizing how much more was possible. All the way to the crazy performances we did for Chinese festivals and the like. Definatly some good times. Good times. I've got the scars to prove it.

When I stop listening, I hear...

"I hear you on the radio
You permeate my screen, its' unkind but
If I met you in a scissor fight
I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone
On principle alone

Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down
Step down

If I were your appendages
I'd hold open your eyes
So you would see
That all of us are heaven sent
There was never meant to be only one
To be only one

Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down
Step down

Yeah
You're no Jesus
You're not Elvis
...
You're no answer

Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Special, as you know yourself, maniac
Step down"

lather, rinse, repeat

Well, time to start everything over again, another semester full of classes and projects, and just stuff in general to be done. I only really had one class today in the evening, and a meeting in the afternoon - but what was really interesting was stepping off the bus onto campus. I mean, I've been here for a full three and a half years now, but for some reason, everything seemed so unfamiliar, strange and new, as if I had never been there before... it really was a truly bizarre feeling o_O. Anyways, need to get back into the groove of things, as I finish up the projects at home I'm trying to do as well as go headstrong into my work for the semester - so, whoever's curious, here's what I've got

Operating systems class
Programming languages class
Online game technology class
History of art, photo and film in western America class
Research with a professor to create a fully interactive evolved art computer exhibit
Research at the DMC on a nanotech project
Research at the DMC on a hypersphere visualization project
Working with a group of friends to create a full game for internet play soon, and possibly pitch in Jan 05
Work out to get my body back into a healthy position

and that doesn't even bring in the work that I needed to do and that I haven't o_O but I won't go into that -_-

When I close my eyes, I see...

For the longest time, and still, I have had the desire to perform in some way. It amazes me how deeply some music can touch me, and many other people. That is definately a talent I wish I had. I've even recieved a compliment before on my voice - shame that I'm tone deaf. Although, I have been lucky enough to see what it feels like to touch people, even on a minor level.
I remember. I remember OA retreat last January - Jamieson convinced me to play Vertical Horizon's Everything You Want on guitar and he would sing. So all that day, we practiced together - and we were, of course, far from perfect, but we went up anyways. So we went up there, with a little bit of light on us, in a room otherwise empty of any light. And as I began playing, it just really felt right. I'm not going to claim I'm good at playing guitar, or even keeping a good constant rhythm - but it just felt good. Anyways, I played and he sung to a silent room. Verse and chorus, verse and chorus. And as we hit the second or third chorus, Jamieson just stopped singing, and after another chord or two, I stopped playing, and looked at him confused. He snickered at me, and said "keep playing" or something to that effect as he pointed out to the audience. And as I turned and looked out, I could suddenly see sitting on the floor in front of us, everyone's eyes on us as I heard a soft crowd singing... "he's everything you want... he's everything you need... he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be..." I was really just dumfounded... it was one of the most beautiful experiences I've had. It literally took me a second to grab my guitar again and get back into the song. And after that last chorus, the last notes of the guitar finished the song to a small applause. But that one moment... those few seconds - I can remember it so crystal clear like it was happening right in front of me - with each face, each sound, each word - I really love that feeling - just really feeling the people around you.

When I stop listening, I hear...

"If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
Was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah"

Dorkiest Quiz EVER

Just try and see how dorky you are... if you can make it through the quiz... o_O Mike is a blazing 62%, while Pat is 50%

23.80952380952381% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?

...question...

Question, I suppose to see if anyone besides myself reads this thing, and also just cuz I'm curious - pertaining the previous post (I apologize for the large size of the pic, BTW) - what one word (adjective, emotion, whatever) would you use to describe the picture?

. . . sight . . .

This is my favorite picture from the New Year's trip up to Austin - thought I would post it. (taken with Patrick's camera)

Ringing in the New Year

Here is my submission to sh1ft's most recent project a day in the life as well as a list of the 11 things I learned over the New Year's Night (compiled by Sean, Pat and I). Post comments!

5:00pm	6:00pm	7:00pm	8:00pm
9:00pm	10:00pm	11:00pm	12:00am
1:00am	2:00am	3 - 7:00am	12:00pm
1:00pm	2:00pm

Also check out the work of my shooting partner, Patrick

11 Things I learned:

1. It takes an hour and a half to leave to anywhere you're going

2. Coffee mate + alcohol does not equal good cream

3. Plastic melts! (There's something to be said about non micowave-safe plastic)

4. Gay guys give the best lube jobs, while straight men hand out the best screaming orgasms

5. Beware the dangers of drunk dialing

6. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, ORDER THE HOUSE SPECIAL!

7. Everyone loves shiny objects

8. Alcohol + plus multi shutter camera = flip book + screaming at the camera for not holding more pictures

9. Everything is better with a side of angst

10. There are no after hours clubs in the back alleys of Austin

11. SEAN KENNITH NOLAN, JUNE 23 1981!

Merry Christmas to all!

Well, here's wishing a very Merry Christmas to everyone out there, while it still is Christmas. It's been a unique and yet uneventful day, starting with an awakening from a bizzare dream. From there, rolled out of bed and plugged into the TV to do some much needed gaming, since I haven't played in a long time (why didn't I open presents, you ask? - because my dad is currently in Korea and is on his way back tommorow. So we'll celebrate when he gets back tommorow) Needless to say, tensions were high with arguments between my sister and I, and it spread. After some gaming, and trying to explain my side of the story of the argument I was having with my sister to my mother (quite unsuccessfully) Also probably the first time I actually told my mother that I feel like my sister's doormat - that was fun. Then to finishing some Christmas presents for my friends, and hunting for more online. As the evening came, I suppose the Christmas spirit came over the house, and my sister and I (for some reason not arguing currently o_O) decided to put up the Christmas tree, and spent some time reminiscing over ornaments made from elementary school on. And after topping the tree with the star, we sat down for dinner where my mom told us some stories of our childhood days, about how crazy and psycho of a little kid I was (apparently I was a ball of energy) and how my sister was a little brat from childhood =P. But probably the most interesting was the tales my mom told of my dad, and how he spoiled us when we were kids, how he was always the lenient one who couldn't enforce things, and always got us what we wanted. Really was cool, made me actually miss him again. I'm really really hoping that my sister and him don't go at it for anything when he comes back, because he's so happy when he sees his whole family together, but the second something goes wrong and my sister (or occassionally me) throws a fit about something, the whole look on his and my mother's face drops... and I really hate seeing that. I've been trying to get better at it, but this whole "doormat" to my sister thing drives me nuts, and I can't help but complain. Anyways, now I'm ranting. So now I sit in my living room, relaxing (the work I need to do I can't, because I need a camera, printer, power supply and motherboard, all of which I don't have) and looking at the tree and watching TV. Nice to finally kick back occassionally.

Merry Christmas everyone ^_^

When I close my eyes, I see...

Random scenes from a truly bizzare dream I had last night... I honestly don't remember much of it, and have thus spent a good portion of the day trying to remember what it was (for anyone who doesn't know, I never remember my dreams). For some reason, all I remember was that I was living in some apartment (nothing like the one I have now), and in a completely different place. And I think there was something to do with... some sort of animal in the complex? And some other people in the complex (the entire dream, to my recollection, never strayed from the porch (not ground floor) outside of the door of my apartment, and at one point looking in to see Mike crashed on some sort of couch. And I think there was something to do with strange faces... I know at some point someone removed a part (nose? lips?) of their face, very Mr. Potatohead-esque. Yeah... it was strange. I woke up... looked around to try and comprehend my bizzare head... and decided not to write it down, so I've been picking through it in my head all day to no avail.

When I stop listening, I hear...

"These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase,

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears,
and I held your hand through all of these years,
but you still… have… all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
but though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along,

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears,
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears,
and I held your hand through all of these years,
but you still… have… all of me oh..., me oh..., me oh... "

...

The future is open.

-_-

My computer is toast - don't be surprised if I'm not online much anymore.... *sigh*

Just listen...

Take a break. Download Evanescence - My Immortal. It's a song that you can close your eyes and let your heartbeat slow down to. So soft... so calm... so soothing...

Evanescence - My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me