A wonderful Coffey wedding

How often do you get the chance to see one of the people that you've known and cared about for the majority of your life, someone that you've always cared about, someone who you have grown and changed with through thick and thin, how often do you get to see a person like that on one of the happiest days of their life, and be able to share that with them? I was lucky enough to see my wonderful, long time friend Michelle get married and begin a new life with her wonderful husband. See it through my eyes



I have to admit though, there was a certain amount of strangeness that came across me when I saw her start to come down the aisle. I immediately had a flash of images come over me - seeing her as Alice from Alice in Wonderland in elementary school, to working and goofing off in the art room in high school, filming a senior video, to being a shoulder to cry on, to long late conversations catching up on each other's lives over coffee and chocolate. It all flashed over me, and I finally really realized what was happening. And it was beautiful. In that moment, I was honored to not only be there for her wedding, and be able to experience that with her, but to have had her in my life, and to hope to continue to as the years go by.



And very humorously, about 5 seconds after the picture above was taken, she ran down the aisle with her new husband and looked at me and said (with a goofy smile on her face), "Well that was easy!" :D

...

It was really interesting - her mom was crying after the wedding (out of absolute happiness) and I hugged her and said, "I almost did the same thing" (meaning the crying, which I almost did do, when I saw her come down the aisle). She responded, "It doesn't change how I feel about you, you're still my boy", taking it as me saying that I had almost married her! Which definitely surprised me. Then her father came over and said, "I only wish I had another daughter for you." I do love them very much, they're practically another family for me.

It really got me to thinking, though - about what I want out of my life - where I want to go, what kind of a person I could see myself with. And really thinking about it, I've realized that I have no idea. There are few people I have felt that way about, each one totally different than the last. And Michelle is one of the people that I've always regretted doing what I did to when we were younger. I wish things had gone differently, and I can't believe I hurt her. There are often times when I wonder what would have happened had I not broken up with her for such poor reasons. Would we have ended up together? Would things have been better? Worse? I really have no idea, but I'm glad that at least in this path that we came down, she found happiness. I love her very much and I'm glad that happened. We'll see what the future holds. I go forward with no expectations.

I love you Shell, and wish you and Brandon all the best in the world - here's to many many years of your happiness together :)

Backdated post - completed 12/06/07 12:31:00 AM

Stream of consciousness

Just a warning, this is totally just a train of thought post - no warranties provided for the sense or lack thereof.

Have you ever come across those people in your day to day life that stand out - the kind of people that seem to be in focus from the cloud of the other billions of people you interact with in the world? I know that we've all found people in our lives that we connect with, that we feel comfortable with. That's one thing - we meet those people and gain trust, companionship over time. But those people that you run into almost arbitrarily, totally uneventfully that just inspire you. Those people always amaze me - and quite frankly, surprise me. Me and a few friends recently ended up at Cafe Brazil on a cool night out on the patio, packed at 3am after a night on the town. I remember being strangely contemplative, and as I looked around the crowd, I remember seeing one of those people that was sitting inside, surrounded by friends at a table that just 'stood out', almost jumped out of the crowd. I'm sure this random was nothing more than another person to everything there, but for some reason, the way that she interacted with the people around her, laughed, moved - something was ... fascinating. Those people always derive a strange curiosity out of me - what brought them there? What makes them smile? Laugh? Cry? Angry? An almost overcoming sense of fascination for other people tends to jump out at me when I find those people - it's odd that those experiences are few and far between.

We actually went out to a really cool bar that same night - Lee Harvey's, a really laid back, outdoor var that has a true "Austin" vibe to it. While just sitting around and talking, I had the opportunity to have some very interesting discussions with some of the friends I've made in Dallas. A friend of mine was going off about whether / when to call this girl that he was interested in that he was way over thinking, since he had been worrying about it nearly non-stop since they last talked, and I commented on it. In response, a friend (in a relationship with another friend) commented that was the problem with guys now, is that they don't actually think about how their girlfriends feel and just think about themselves. And I looked at her downright quizzically, partially because I usually consider myself on the opposite side of that spectrum (probably to a fault sometimes), partially because out of all the people there, she was the last person I would have expected to say that, and finally because it finally set in, in that very moment. All the friends I've made here in Dallas really don't know me at all. They have a cursory view of the person that I am when I'm out and goofing off, but they've never seen the person that I am when I'm in a relationship, or when I'm really happy with everything that's going on. They've rarely seen the person that I am when I'm inspired, and really driven, the person that is excited and... me? It was a very strange realization to come to, that the friends that I've made in Dallas, that I consider myself close to in some ways, have never even 'met me'.

Which of course drives the point home of what people we are now, how we've gotten here, and who we are bound to become. I mean, seriously think back to the person that you were 5 years ago. How similar were you to who are you today? Did you have the same goals, ambitions, dreams, worries, fears? What was constant in your life, and what was in complete flux? Who did you depend on and who were the people that entered and exited your life by the moment? What was really important to you? I bet most of those are totally different than how you would answer today. I know they are for me. How about 3 years ago? 1 year ago? 6 months ago? How quickly we change, but we let all of these little things stress us out about 'the moment' and what's happening in the present. I know I've changed a lot, but I've also been lucky enough to have people that have been in my life for a long time and have seen me go through these changes. Hell, I'm living with a friend that I've known for 16 years now! How freaking different was I when I was 10? I get a reminder of that every time I go home and see my old home, my parents, my family and my friends. I've changed - some of it I like, and some of it I really don't. More interestingly - how similar do you think you'll be in the next few years? How about your friends? What's your future persona like. Would you like him / her?

Almost every time I see my friends, the "why are you still single" card gets thrown out there (in various ways, depending upon who you talk to). And I finally realized why (one of many reasons, I'm sure). Most of my friends have said "my standards are too high", or that "I should just date everyone I find that I'm remotely attracted to", or various forms of that. What it really comes down to is what I mentioned before - "inspiration". I have such a strong association with those people that just are in focus across the blur of reality, that they tend to be the people that I get really passionate about, that I really want to meet, that just instantly inspire me to do more. I it very difficult for myself to really get into anything without that feeling, or that develops that feeling very quickly. Maybe I'm too picky, but in a different respect than most, but I love inspiration. It drives me, and always has. *shrugs*

Ok, I'm done - any post with this much text... needs a lolcat :p



Backdated post - completed 12/05/07 11:37:00 PM

Incubus!

Yay! So I got to see Incubus for the sixth time yesterday :) (twice at the Aerial in Houston, once in San Antonio, once in Austin, once at the Gypsy Tea Room (now gone) and now once at Smirnov). Absolutely my favorite band to see live. They always put on a spectacular show, hands down. We were at the front for the entire time, so I got plenty of cool pictures :)



I think I've enjoyed their music for so long because it feels like incredibly often, their songs relate directly to my life for so long. You know how certain songs always hold feelings of reminiscence? Well, although I have that with a ton of songs, the most come from Incubus - probably at least two on each record hold some sort of significance to when I first heard them, or when I jammed to them the most, or just some random memory that seems to have associated with them. So on top of hearing them play freakin' awesome music live, it's like a trip down memory lane, taking a random turn at each juncture dependent upon what songs they decided to play. Very cool.

I also had a reflective moment of introspection as Mike Einziger whipped out a banjo and started jamming out the intro riff to Aqueous Transmission to end the encore at the show. He obviously knew the song so well he could play it in his sleep, so he was just staring out into the crowd with a fascinated look on his face, wavering across the faces. I can only wonder what he was thinking at the time. It must be a pretty amazing feeling to look out among that many thousands of people staring right up at you, 'feeling' the music that you created, and cheering you on to do so.

I've only ever 'performed' like that once (if you can even call it that), back during an Orientation retreat where a friend and I jammed on a song for the talent show for fun. We did 'Everything you wan' by Vertical Horizon (this was a while ago, ok? :p) and I remember being absolutely amazed looking out on the crowd (of about 70+ people) at how much people related to it, and got lost in it as they sang the lyrics out to the people around them in the room. We weren't good, and I'm sure none of the crowd was singing in tune, but you know what? Noone seemed to care and everyone enjoyed it. That feeling that I'm so ineloquently trying to explain here is one I wish I cold replicate - and why I really wish I had the talent to sing and / or play the guitar better. Gives a desire to keep working at it though. For inspiration :)